I hope you accept my birthday wishes and these lies on your birthday today! Im sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. Laughter is an essential people skill. (and then wait a few hours to reply with something totally random). Theres a smartass quote for that. Having a smooth brain is also a rare, gene-linked condition. 14. "Nice perfume. E.g. "If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room." "A wise man speaks when he has something to say, a fool speaks when he has to say something.". Russia-Ukraine war latest: Kremlin may take 'formal control' of Wagner Photo by Shift Drive on Shutterstock 02 "The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it." "I am not lazy. Seems to me that's saying someone is ugly more than he's stupid. Finally, instead of awkwardly using the same insult over and over again like so is your face, we can once again feel confident in ourselves when encountering a stupid person. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. "There's no reason to tailgate me when I'm doing 50 in a 35. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, 35 Life-Saving Tips That Arent Hard To Remember But Might Come In Handy When You Least Expect It, As Told By Our Community, Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" Hey Pandas, What's An Interesting Or Creepy Science Fact You Know? A dog is a bitch, dogs bark. 100 Funny and Witty Quotations About Age and Getting Older #4 of Top-10 Funny Quotes. ", 120. I think so look at the platypus.Robin Williams, Actor, 8. Id let you have the last french fry. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic." "Sweating while you shop counts as exercise. Not everyone is a natural-born comedian, but that doesnt mean you cant add a splash of humor and fun to your conversations. Just remember that you dont want to come across as too clingy. "You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Sarcasm is the bodys natural defense against stupidity., 11. Anonymous, 196. Smart Quotes. #3 of Top-10 Funny Quotes. Im not insulting you. ", 130. You have no idea what youve done! Someone may even act like a smartass because they believe that is what it takes to fit in. I wanted you to know its not my birthday yet, my birthday is [ ]. "Sometimes the first step toward forgiveness is realizing the other person was born an idiot. ", 198. Its like punching people in the face but with words., 13. "Love is a fire. I just need to be dramatic first. Love you! Live it up today, Lady! Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, Elon Musk Posted A Picture Of His Bedside Table, So The Internet Made 30 Memes About It, I Am A Photographer Who Captured Ballet Dancers In The Most Beautiful Surroundings (40 Pics), Hey Pandas, Share Some Design Fails You've Seen. You wont look cool if you show everyone just how happy you are with your efforts! I'm about to pass a fist across your face. ", 112. If you smile whilst youre giving your smartass quote, youre going to take away its power. So how do you know if people are trying to subtly (or not so subtly) insult your smarts? Oh, so you fainted from the excitement of getting a text from me? offensive not intelligent, or not able to consider or judge things carefully. 20 Terrific Alternatives to "Hello" - Mental Floss ", 138. I like your butt, Let me touch it forever! Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Robin Williams, Actor, 34. Thats the day when I take out the garbage., 16. "I'll get over it. Or . Good luck figuring out which one., 28. (& Other Questions! Its been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes. 20 euphemisms people can use to insult your intelligence, This optical illusion of four people is creeping people out, Users shocked after 'rate me' Subreddit issues warning for 'overrating', Man writes wife brutal performance review on how to improve herself. 10 English Phrases for Saying Someone is Smart/Stupid I think Im gonna use my PTO Prepare The Others because Im not coming into work. So whats the most effective way to get out your frustrations while still coming off like the lovable stud/studette that you are? ", 100. "People need to start appreciating the effort I put in to not be a serial killer. Whatever form of no you choose, the important thing is that you say it and mean it. Thank you for calling! Dont just stand there lookinggormlessdo something! Look officer, Im not being a smartass. If a smartass goes too far, the behavior is known to annoy and even aggravate others. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. Also, what you see is what you get. ", 39. That is, I did until I went out and bought a $3 bag of chips. ", 77. Id choose your company over pizza anytime. Need some hilarious things to say via text or IRL? Shut your mouth when youre talking to me., 64. 2. The point of being sarcastic is that its cool and effortless. "My silence doesn't mean I agree with you. So how do you ex plain exactly how someone is funny ? After his studies at LCC International University, where he got a BA in English Language and Literature, Robertas went on to do freelance teaching, translation, and copywriting work, primarily specializing in IT. "I don't know how people can fake whole relationships. ", 145. "Theres a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark., 2. Thanks for the compliment [Read: 20 Smart medieval insults in English that should make a comeback], 48. I wasfoolishenough to believe what Jeff told me. "Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" A variation "I can explain it to you, but I cannot understand it for you" has hung in my office for years :), "I'm guessing you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling. Following Prigozhin's armed rebellion many have been wondering what is next for his Wagner Group. ", 137. Here are 200 of the best sarcastic quotes and sayings. It says that you know he/she isn't good at this, so it must've taken some time to come up with the line. Happy Birthday! Join the news democracyWhere your votes decide the Top 100, Dont get caught out by these sneaky insults. No matter how angry or disappointed you are, you should never cross the line with personal insults. Stand in the middle of the sidewalk and swing a hula hoop while waving at people as they pass by. Acting like a smartass all the time eventually becomes annoying. 25 Sassy Comebacks For When Someone Is Being a Smartass They're the base. Its not until an hour or two later that you come up with a one-liner to knock them off their feet. Even if you arent the funniest person around, you can try some of these silly one-liners or fun pick-up lines to make a girl laugh. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap. If you were a booger, Id pick you first. ", 42. "Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter." Sometimes life leads you astray with no one to turn to. 2. It might even spark creativity in other ways too! "Common sense is like deodorant. "Im sorry, I dont take orders. Funny Quotes About Being Smart. QuotesGram "How much better would it be if a liar's pants really did catch on fire? Unless you want to do this for the whole day, go right ahead. "Well pardon me, ma'am but what you don't know could fill a warehouse. Try this: When you shake someones hand, jokingly say, Im so glad you had the privilege of meeting me. 02 Don't use any ad hominem remarks. Knowing what to say depends on how you feel of course. "It might look like Im doing nothing, but at the cellular level Im really quite busy." I love that super cute thing you do when you dont reply for 10 hours. Happy Gal-entines, bestie! Watch me pretend to care!, 91. If plan A fails, at least there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. "Face your problems, don't Facebook them." 4. By having the last say, youre leaving them dumbfounded and not sure what to say in response. stupid. Today isnt your day. Clever ways of saying someone isn't smart - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board The list so far: "He's not the sharpest tool in the shed" "He's not the brightest penny in the fountain" (courtesy of The Simpsons) "He's two fries short of a Happy Meal" Im so glad we have brown cows, otherwise, there wouldnt be any chocolate milk. Unknown Wise Person. These compliments focus on the joy, fun, and positive outlook the person brings. ", 174. Light travels faster than sound. "If youve never met the devil in the road of life, its because youre both heading in the same direction." Try this: Before you leave a room, say, I bid you farewell! I love sarcasm. I recently started investing heavily in penny stocks. What did the ocean say to the other ocean? In russian we have "intelligent thoughts have always followed him, but he was faster". Unless you want to do this for the whole day, go right ahead. "I love being me. It can also be a passive aggressive way of telling someone that sucks if they did something unadviseable. Why arent shorts half the price of pants? - She's a walking encyclopaedia (Very knowledgeable) Other Ways to Say: Stupid Dump End of discussion. [Hat Tip] Be the strong, silent type and forgo words entirely with an elegant tip of your hat. Oh, hey, kettle, Im pot and wow, youre black. Olivia Cunning, Tie Me, 26. "What doesn't kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor. If you want to be funnier in social situations, try these jokester-approved tips: When youre feeling a little doubtful about your sense of humor, remember that you can learn to be funny just like any other people skill. Unfortunately, by that point, the opportunity is long gone. 21. "I don't keep secrets, I just keep people out of my business. You just won $1 million. Some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. 17 Different Ways to Say No | Inc.com "You play the victim. ", 43. "My boss told me to have a good day so I went home. or Arlo Guthrie: sittin'' on the Group W bench. Anonymous, 200. Sometimes I just wish aliens would abduct me and crown me their leader. [Read: Funny conversation starters and 40 lines to instantly fit right in]. Of all the goofballs in the world, you are my favorite. He doesn't have b. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Steven Wright, 33. ", 57. "If youre too open-minded, your brains will fall out." Nothing, they just waved. If thats what youre looking for, go live with a car battery." ", 54. ", 177. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Picture Of Your Plants (Closed). And thats the best compliment I can give. If you ran as much as you ran your mouth, youd be in great shape., 43. You win! "Men do not quit playing because they grow oldthey grow old because they quit playing.". To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. ", 142. 58 Idioms That Are Funny - These Will Make You Laugh! - English By Day It pisses off all the right people. Can I have your name and phone number to call you back? 20 Random Funny Things To Say - Smart Living - Smart Living If possible, walk away and end the conversation there. "Instead of 'single' as a marital status they should have 'independently owned and operated. Im on a seafood diet. I can explain it again, if you'd like, but I can't understand for you. Cancel my subscription because I dont need your issues., 14. Be wary of this one. A quirky joking message a few hours later can lighten the mood and remind them that they never responded. No one likes it when a direct train route is replaced by a meandering bus ride. ", 192. "If you dont want a sarcastic answer, then dont ask a stupid question. Thats exactly the effect you want to have! I can only please one person a day. A friend like you is like a good bra: supportive, comfortable, hard to find, uplifting, and always close to my heart! ", 45. Youll just end up looking comedic and thats not what were going for here. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Ways to Say Someone is Intelligent or Stupid, Alternative Ways to Say Someone is Intelligent, Ways to Say Someone is not Very Intelligent, Ways to Say Someone is Intelligent| Image. Find 68 ways to say FUNNY, along with antonyms, related words, and example sentences at Thesaurus.com, the world's most trusted free thesaurus. 5. With all those years of wisdom, youd think you would have more wrinkles by now. Your interlocutor might want to know more. ", 61. The tenth is just humming. Here, take these $1,000,000 bucks! "My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. You have to touch them all over before they respond. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC PARADE is a registered trademark of Athlon Sports Communications, Inc. "I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity." 2) "I expected nothing, but I'm still disappointed" Sheesh, way to have faith in someone. Its called marriage." I don't feel like wishing you a happy birthday. Happy Birthday to a guy who's witty, manly, handsome and reminds me a lot of myself! Saw two coworkers going about a task in the worst way I could imagine. A classic. Start writing! adjective. I cant find them anywhere. i know an oldie but a goodie if you're looking for insults, appearance wise; Memorize some of the lighthearted lines from above. One study from 2015, covered by Scientific American, found that sarcasm can actually increase creativity flow. When I see food, I eat it. See? My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist., 30. ", 170. I should have asked for a jury. Anonymous, 168. 11 Slang Phrases To Say That Someone Is Not Smart - YouTube It should say that youre not joking around and that he/she should leave you out of the shenanigans. Now, if youre not someone who raises their eyebrow easily, dont do it. ", Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. Sometimes it can be funny, so you might not want to use a serious or abrasive approach. Nothing! I am crazy. When everything in life is coming your way, youre probably in the wrong lane. "Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? "I wish more people were fluent in silence. While some may think that sarcasm is a slippery slope, others believe that sarcasm is actually a sign of intellect. The invent a fake trash collection project prank. Here are some funny birthday messages specifically for a guy. "Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing ANYTHING away EVER. "Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old.". 123 Synonyms & Antonyms of IDIOT - Merriam-Webster Whoever told you to be yourself gave you really bad advice [Read: Ready to charm? I need your name, birthday, address, and social security number to send you your prize. Are you stuck on a cruise ship full of people during the corona crisis again? I never forget a face, but in your case, Ill be glad to make an exception., 27. ", 98. Laughter is known as the best medicine for a reason. Groucho Marx, 86. ", 169. 18. ", 84. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. Face your problems, dont Facebook them., 4. Liked what you just read? This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself. ", 179. Do you struggle with small talk? Note: this post originally had 49 images. "My alone time is sometimes for your safety. "My circle is so small, I almost cut myself off. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. "Your fervent, misguided sense of entitlement is stunning. It's pretty cute until it poops on your head." "I'm skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. In fact, people love sarcasm, which makes it a great outlet to get all of that pent-up resentment out while slapping a smile on your face. They say sarcasm shows weakness, but who gives a crap what they think?! My ex had one very annoying habit. Simply reply, 'Yes.' But once youve said them, what next? This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Steven Wright, 9. This behavior isnt the way to shine in the eyes of others. I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today., 22. "The whiskey tastes like I'm about to tell you how I really feel. "There are two theories to arguing with women. ", 139. Common sense is like deodorantthe people who need it most never seem to use it. I always say Morning instead of Good Morning, because if it was a good morning, I would still be in my bed and not talking to people., 2. Robin Williams, Actor, 193. Great. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember! MACBA Museu d'Art Contemporani de Barcelona, 19 Haunting Pictures That Showcase How The Most Beautiful Places Can Change After Being Abandoned, 30 Y.O. "Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!" Youre about to hit a home run and you want to jump in the air and scream yes! because for once you know exactly what to say. You look so good. Put a little red dot on your finger and tell someone you got bit by a squirrel. I hope you stay there. What do you say to single people on Valentines Day? Patience is a virtue, but I dont want to wait. 20 easy pranks that are actually really good | Mashable Well done, you managed to deliver the perfect insult or smartass line. 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade 20 euphemisms people can use to insult your intelligence You know, in case of a cheesecake or something. My friends are so much cooler than yours. Oscar Wilde, 110. 4. Do you remember the first time you bought a bottle of wine for me? Funny, guys. "You lack brains so much that you can float on water." not only touch But it also means you have enough space between your ears to stay afloat. This can become even more difficult if other people are laughing at what happened. My parents moved around a lot when I was growing up, but I always found them. Check out these 140 one-liners for extra funniness! Maybe youll find a brain back there., 88. "Sorry for being late. OH MY GOD, Ive been waiting to hear from you all day. ", 73. "The stuff you heard about me is a lie. ", 97. Steven Wright, 116. Youre not trying to get a laugh in most cases, youre trying to insult. Creative Ways to Say Someone is Intelligent or Stupid I would love to insult you, but I wouldnt do as well as nature did, 50. I go normal from time to time. (Theyll probably respond No, we dont do that) Oh, so you dont want random people calling you all day? Theyre invisible., 96. Basically, theres nothing sharp about a pool of potage seeping through a hessian bag. Im just mean and people think Im joking., 35. 3. How to be witty and win anyone over]. I tried to be normal once worst two minutes of my entire life. "Marriage is a bliss for people who arent in it. Share. But then I'll have to explain later. "I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability." Why didnt you say so? Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk around a few more times? Its that love/hate thing that means you cant stand them on one hand, but you find them hilarious on the other. ", 82. Hold it in. You can change your preferences. Alternative Ways to Say Someone is Intelligent - He's really on the ball. "My boss said I intimidate my co-workers. "Im not always rude and sarcastic. Theres a smartass quote for that. ", 167. Just a few examplesHill-billies..Molbo-stories (in Denmark) the Alentejanos (Portugal) etc.Actually,years back when I was studying Anthropology I took up this subject and found out that most of these stories came from the same source.During the 100 years war the soldiers hired by the various Kings of Europe would travel up through the countries,meet up and swap stories when sitting around the camp-fires. Whats the best holiday present? One of my all time favorites is "More foam than beer". - She doesn't miss a trick. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. "Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting. After Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF. ", Saw two coworkers going about a task in the worst way I could imagine. "When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples' eyes. Max Kauffmann, 127. Cecilia Egan, 101. And yet, people dont just use figurative language to deliver news with sensitivity. "I was married by a judge. - Oliver Wendell Holmes. "You're everything I want in someone I don't want anymore. If you find me offensive. Its these harrowing situations that wake you out of a sound sleep suddenly fresh with dozens of snappy one-liners you wish you would have said. Well, wonder no more! Forget about the pastyou cant change it. Your account is not active. People from all around the world shared various ways to insult stupid people politely by using both modern ingenuity and old folk proverbs. ", 184. 100 Good Comebacks Best Funny, Witty Comebacks Ever - Parade She's a genius. "I found your nose. Very true,we see this over and over again. Admit it, sometimes those little comments are funny, especially if its a close friend or family member who shares your type of humor. Note: I included the second definition as a comment on the sensibilities involved in mastering various levels of information and computer technology. You think Im cute when Im angry? A shovel is better to dig up dirt or sand, not cement. "I always say 'Morning' instead of 'Good Morning,' because if it was a good morning, I would still be in my bed and not talking to people." 2. Watch more comedic movies and TV shows to get a better grasp on funny cultural references. "Didn't sleep much but I did get a solid few hours of worrying done. I said "I believe if there was a harder way to do that you two would find it. Not the brightest star in the sky. 13. Others known as galloping glaciers can move 160 feet a day (50 metres).